Is it good manners or just common sense?

In the last few weeks this question just keeps coming into my head every time I see or experience what I call rude behavior. So I have decided to share my thoughts and experiences on my blog. I hope that others will share their comments and experiences with me.

I truly want to help bring about more awareness and civility to our every day interactions with those around us.

The first experience to share is when people stop when they step inside or outside a door way (or elevator, escalator, bus, train, etc), blocking passage for the people behind them. This happened at the grocery store the other day, two women walked into the store and stopped to wipe their hands and cart with a sanitation towel provided by the store. As I approached the entrance there were five people waiting to enter while these dear ladies were totally unaware that they had blocked the entrance.

I was amazed that the people in line waited for them to finish and move on with their shopping. No one was rude or made an unkind comment; being in Phoenix, AZ on a summer afternoon these people deserve recognition for their kindness and patience they showed that very hot day.

This situation is a perfect example of the “good” and the “bad” of being aware of the world around us and being kind to each other.

What do you think – is it having good manners or just using common sense?

Dining Etiquette - The Do's and Don'ts

If you get apprehensive before a business dining meeting or networking event, you are not alone. There are a large number of people who are afraid of making a mistake during a meal function - and they should be. Making a “seemingly small “faux pas has cost individuals jobs, contracts, and promotions. When you are worried about which bread plate is yours or what you do with your napkin, you can’t focus on making a good impression with your job knowledge or professional behavior.

And let’s face it, you will be judged by your behavior. Potential employers, customers and upper management aren’t just watching you for the proper use of the dessert fork; they are observing your social savvy, self-confidence and ability to handle conversations. By learning the correct business dining manners you will feel more confident, self-assured and comfortable when conducting business during any meal function.

This quote from Oscar Wilde it says it all – “The world was my oyster, but I used the wrong fork.”

Do’s
· Enter and exit on the same side of the chair.
· Place the napkin on your lap when seated. Etiquette dictates that the hostess should do this first at a formal dinner.
· Have good posture at the table, no slouching.
· Treat servers politely and with respect.
· Know which bread plate and water glass is yours. The easy way to remember this is to think of the car BMW. When seated, your Bread is on the left, your plate is in the Middle and your Water is on the right.
· Be ready with your selection when everyone else is ready.
· Know all the types of utensils.
· Use the utensils properly. Hold your fork and knife correctly.
· Wait until you have swallowed the food in your mouth before you take a sip of your beverage.
· Look into, not over, the cup or glass when drinking.
· Take a sip of water if a bite of food is too hot.
· Butter bread on the plate, never in midair.
· Leave dropped silver on the floor. Quietly signal the wait staff to bring another piece.
· Point out to your waiter bugs or hair in your food. Do it in a non-combative manner.
· Remove an object such as a bone or gristle from your mouth with your thumb and index finger and place it on the rim of your plate.
· When finished, place your fork and knife in a parallel line at the 10 and 4 o’clock positions with the fork on left and knife on right or top.
· Leave your plate where it is when you have finished eating.
· Place your napkin on your chair if you leave for a few minutes.
· Place your napkin on the left when you have finished and are leaving the table.
· Thank the host.

Don’ts
· Start the conversation on business. Begin with small talk.
· Order something if you don’t know how to eat it.
· Order something that is difficult or messy to eat such as BBQ spare ribs.
· Overload your plate when serving yourself; from a buffet or being served family style.
· Mop your face with your napkin.
· Spread your elbow when cutting meat. Keep them close to your sides.
· Chew with your mouth open.
· Smack your lips.
· Touch your face or head at the table.
· Tip up the glass or cup too much when drinking. Keep it at a slight angle.
· Reach across the table or across another person to get something. If it’s out of reach, ask the closest person to pass it to you.
· Pick your teeth at the table, either with a toothpick or your fingers. Excuse yourself if something gets caught in your teeth and remove it in the privacy of a restroom.
· Push your plate away from you when you’ve finished eating.
· Gesture with your knife, fork, or spoon in your hand. If you’re not using a utensil, put it down.
· Talk about your personal food likes and dislikes while eating.
· Eat your neighbor’s bread or salad. A right-handed person reaches to the left across the dinner plate to eat salad.
· Lick your utensils or fingers. People really do this!
· Groom at the table. Use the restroom to comb your hair, put on lip stick, etc.
· Talk with your mouth full.
· Make negative comments on the food or restaurant that was selected.

Learn these Do’s and Don’ts. They must become a natural part of your behavior. Practice at all meal functions: home, business and social until you no longer have to think about what is correct.
Remember, it takes 5 seconds to make an impression, 21 days to start a new behavior and 100 days for the new behavior to become automatic.

When we act well, we do well.

Good luck and bon appétit!

Meeting Manners point 5

The final point in this series is - Pay attention – each person speaking deserves your attention. This means reread point 4, no playing with your pen, no doodling, no staring out the window - all bad habits – and they give the impression that you are not paying attention. Keep side-bar conversations to a minimum or not at all.

When we act well it follows that we will do well.

Meeting Etiquette #4 - Turn off the Blackberry

I know it’s difficult but the cell phone, blackberry and any other PDA device should always be turned off or on “silence” mode. If you must take a call be sure to leave the room for your conversation. You send a very clear message that other things are more important than the meeting or the participants. That’s really not okay! And it’s rude.

Meeting Manner #3

Be prepared- there is a reason for your participation in the meeting or you would not have been invited. Know the agenda and come ready to contribute to the discussion. Be an enthusiastic team player; listen to others and share information.

When attending a meeting what type of situations bother you?

Meeting Manners the Count #2

Introductions – if there is administrative staff always greet them, people don’t like to be ignored; be friendly and respectful. The same is true for each participant who is attending the meeting, greet the ones you know and be sure to introduce yourself and shake hands with those you do not know.

Meeting Manners that Count

It's easy to think we just have to show up at the weekly meeting to make an impression - think again. There are frequently made mistakes that should be avoided and they do have an impact on the impression you leave with others attending the meeting.

Arrive on time, sounds like common sense, think of how many meetings you have attended where the group had to wait for someone or worse yet stop the meeting in progress and have to recap for the late comer. I don't know about you but that never makes me happy! It is rude and disrespectful to the other participants to arrive late and disrupt the meeting.

What are your thoughts on "late arrivals"?

I will write more on meeting manners throughout the week because I think it is such an important aspect of business etiquette.

Email Etiquette

RU, LOL,TTYL ... looks like a foreign language or secret code, but is now a new way to write the written word. Today our need for speed - fast internet, fast downloads, fast phone connections - has given way to a fast way to write or text a person. This may be acceptable on a social level. It is, however, not acceptable in the business world. I have my list of do's and don'ts .....

What tips do you have for email etiquette?